Is there a battle for your mental health?

I have heard and more than likely said, “I am battling my mental health” or “I am fighting my demons”. 

The battle for mental health could be viewed in multiple different ways from different angles. On one side we have the helpers, advocates; social workers, counselors, peer supporters, health workers and a slew of other individuals that are fighting to help promote a positive mental health environment. Then on the other side, I will call them, profiteers; social media, big pharma, news channels, government and merchandisers. These profiteers will spend money to find ways to manipulate others mental health to make a buck. These are just a few examples of this sustained conflict.

The crucible of the mental health war is the one of our own minds. It is the battle that goes unseen and comes out as anxiety, fear, depression, anger and isolation. Having the good and bad conscience on our shoulders often depicted as a devil and an angel. The fight that sometimes feels as if it can never be won.

There have been times in life where it felt like there were two of the bad guys on each side. One telling me I was worthless and the other his wing man, “you don’t belong, no one likes you, have you seen the way you look”. The battle went on unrelentingly, then I surrendered. I agreed, every mean thing I told myself I wrapped around my body like a warm blanket on coldest day of January.

I was then in a place I did not want to be but it felt comfortable to be there. A place where the negative voices reigned and I followed their lead. This was a dark place, a doom that filled my mind with proof that the voice was telling the truth. This dark place felt as if I were stuck in an elevator by myself that just broke down and the lights dim out. Dangling by a string, alone and being fearful the string would break at any second to fall to my doom.  I can’t see the walls but I can feel the oxygen being drained out of the space with every breath until I can no longer take another.

One day I realized I did not want to feel this overwhelming since of nothingness anymore. I started to listen to the helpers. The individuals that had the tools to turn the lights back on and get the emotional elevator working again. I allowed the helpers to be the positive voice when mine was so quite I could not hear it. I listened to them tell me I was worthy. I listened to the encouragement. This was strange, it felt uncomfortable, a lie. But I listened anyway.

When I would recoil and allow the negative voice to feed my mind, the positive individuals around me continued to support me. Then I heard it one day, I heard the positive voice in me. It was quite at first but I knew it was there. I seen hope. I listened closer, I heard more; I felt the doom start to dissipate and could take deeper breaths because the walls were no longer caving in. I continued to listen and one day I realized when the negative started coming back saying, “you are worthless, you are nothing, no one loves you”. The positive stepped and replied, “that is a lie, I love you, I value you, you are worthy”. I knew then, what I was doing was working.

It was not until I allowed myself to be helped by others that change was possible. I understood I could no longer be stuck in that dark place and live. I wanted to feel the happiness I seen so many others have, that I could not obtain. I found it; not on the inside at first. I let the people around me help and give me advise. I worked with a therapist. I talked to others that have struggled. I took what they gave me and put this in to practice- it paid off tremendously.

I do not believe the war between the negatives and positives in my head will ever be over. But for now, the conflict is contained to small sections of holdouts of the doom army. Being vigilant and allowing myself to address the issues has contained the impeding darkness from returning to power, for now. Practicing daily habits helps keep this at bay. Allowing myself to vent, set boundaries and build relationships with positive people helps establish more troops to aid with containment as well.

To answer the question, yes, there is a battle for your mental health. It is an ongoing battle that will ebb and flow. The most important factor to know is if the negative is winning, there is a way out, there is hope and you are not alone. You matter and your mental health matters.

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